Hold

  White knuckled, clenched jaw, hot blooded, heavy eyed and pale with thirst, exhaustion and frustration. Do you know what I mean? Headaches and fear. When you live like that everything seems harder, and things slow down and rush at the same time. Over a heavy dose of solitude, I pulled myself back together and chose to continue. Why? Why not. In the midst of your struggle lies the opportunity to help someone else through theirs. I know how solitude can heal you, but at the same time, human support is pretty important too... I have gotten a lot of views, Russia, USA, and Hong Kong. I guess I shouldn't stop, for you guys. But at the same time, I really hope that you guys would contact me. :) It would be great to know who you are, also  a comment, an email, something simple would be deeply appreciated, and it would be really nice to know there are ones who need what I have to offer.

  Over the few days I have been pretty shallow, things have not gone as I wanted, and things have gone out of hand. It felt like I was on a crazy roller coaster ride that nobody could control. "Are you okay? You don't look so happy. You sure? Really? What happened?" I appreciate the care and concern that other people showed me, but how could I give them an answer, when I  myself cannot define what exactly is going on right now? I guess complaining about all this is pointless in some ways, someone homeless and suffering has it worse than us, sitting in comfy chairs, in front of our computer, munching on a snack. Sometimes things seem so cheery, but sometimes, something completely funny happens. The homeless and hopeless one finds hope, and we lose it. Some people are so poor, all they have is money.

  Tears rolling down your cheeks, like the racing beads you watched from the inside of the car on a stormy day. Remember how we were ambitious in our standing? When we were knocked down, we insisted on standing again, and we said, we don't care what they say. We'll show them! Call me juvenile, but I was so naive. Standing was easy to say, difference is easy to pronounce. A word in itself, what could it possibly mean though? Sometimes when you say something, post something, do something... Maybe it's so small that you won't think they would notice... Ends up being the most powerful thing you could have ever done, and you would not have even thought about the influence it has made. Give and it will be given to you, A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.~Luke 6:38. I guess whatever I do, if I give my very best, the very best will come back to me. Because, I believe in karma, and those who suffer now, shall be satisfied, as the Bible has promised. I guess that's why, when I feel like there is nothing of worth to hold onto in something I believe in, I still find some meaning to hold onto my belief, because I know in the end, I would have regretted not giving my best, when I am not given the best. Because wasting anything is a shame, and none of us deserve less than what we deserve. As humble as we should be, we should keep that in mind. Holding on, is to learn that once you believe, you never let go. So that is why, we have to choose very carefully what we believe, and what is worth holding onto. We have to KNOW what is worth holding onto, so when we feel like the meaning isn't not there, we can still remember why we know it is worth it. 

  Who said holding was easy? Some had to hold till they broke. Holding is not easy at all. It means devoting a  lot of your time and effort. Still, holding is a choice. Is that not the beauty of it? As we lie here broken, and  we see our goal, the small window of light in the far distance, and we know what we want to be. We want to stand again, so very very bad. While others sit and watch in their brokenness, some of us stargazers choose to hold onto the little shards of broken hope scattered about on the cold rock bottom. We are the ones who would do anything to stand again, anything... But the price is high. 

  To stand again, takes a miracle, as I had said before. But it isn't impossible. It just depends whether we are willing to do all we can, be all we are and give our all. Standing again, is to learn from all the pain, muster all you are, and limp and crawl towards the light. Standing again, is a miracle your soul has to create from all the pain and toil, blood and sweat. The harder you work for something, the more precious it seems. And trust me, standing again, is 100% worth it.


Please email me at hopeforthestargazers@gmail.com, comment and share. 
Till next time, 
Victoria Lee